Illegitimacy: a Serious Social Problem

Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage contains research findings about parenthood, marriage, and background lifestyles among under privileged urban females in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Why do young women choose to become mothers prior to both marriage and the establishment of a stable career? What makes the poor more likely than their middle class counterparts to become mothers during adolescence? Are they adequate parents? Why do they postpone marriage? The authors, who were extremely creative and vigorous when conducting their research, attempt to answer all of these questions. One of them, Kathryn Edin, resided in Philadelphia for two and a half years for the sheer purpose of experiencing this subculture first hand. Meanwhile, she formed personal friendships with other residents, and spoke with social workers to learn more. The researchers intensively interviewed 162 single mothers on at least two separate occasions. The 8 different neighborhoods that they chose to focus on all had high rates of poverty, an overwhelmingly high number of single parent households, and had a prominence of racial diversity. Studying African Americans, Caucasians, and Hispanics equally was the only way to ensure gaining accurate knowledge of low income unmarried mothers instead of facts that could only be attributed to one particular racial group.
Jen Burke, a 17-year old Caucasian single mother of one son who is 18 months old name Colin, was interviewed and is a classic example of a poor, urban mother. Rick, the baby’s father, is 4 years older than Jen. She was flattered that he immediately showed so much interest in her. Rick cheated on Jen repeatedly and drank excessively. At one point, the couple did cohabitate. Cohabitation is more common among Caucasians than

minorities who are also unwed. When Jen became pregnant for the second time, Rick said that he wanted to marry her. However, he never consistently broke his habits of drunkenness and infidelity even though he promised that he would. After so many broken promises, Jen faced reality and accepted the fact that Rick would never change permanently. She was so depressed that she ended up miscarrying the second baby. Jen and Rick’s relationship breakup is actually rather typical. Many relationships among couples with limited income dissolve because of financial troubles as well as the man’s deviant and erratic behavior. According to the mothers, the men’s incarceration, domestic violence, drug addiction, and lack of faithfulness contribute to the dissolution of romantic relationships. After Jen’s miscarriage, she and Rick would temporarily get back together and then break up. The researchers did a follow up interview with Jen when she was 21 years old. Rick was drunk at a bar and was involved in a huge fight. Rick beat the other person to death and as a result will be in prison until his son reaches adulthood. Men cannot be fathers while they are locked up in jail. Jen is proud of her independence and maturity in rearing Colin. She feels that parenthood is the most rewarding part of her life, but she did not plan on doing it alone. Jen is finishing her GED and plans to attend college.
The average age of mothers who bear babies out of wedlock is 21 years old when they give birth to their firstborn (Musick, 2001). This is comforting because people in their twenties tend to be better adjusted, are more mature and more responsible, and have more experience than teenagers. The common theory that suggests that the majority of out of wedlock births are to adolescents is only a myth. It is staggering that a young,

unmarried woman with such meager resources would choose to have children so prematurely. Most of the interviewees reported that their offspring were neither explicitly planned nor were they a mistake; they were somewhere in between. Why do they decide to bring the pregnancy to term? People with less education tend to be pro-life. This explains why the poor choose abortion when faced with an unintended pregnancy only 50% of the time compared to the affluent who have a 66% chance of choosing abortion in a similar circumstance (Luker 1994). It must follow that most illegitimates are born to lower income parents since the wealthy are more likely to abort. Poor women are equally against adoption because they view this as giving one’s own baby away. According to the underprivileged, abortion and adoption are irresponsible, immature, and immoral. As income decreases, the more likely one is to be pro-life and want to limit reproductive rights. It is quite interesting to note that the poor would suffer the most if abortion were illegal because the less financial resources that one has available, the more difficult it is to take care of an unplanned baby. Therefore, I have always wondered why opulent Americans tend to be the ones who are pro-choice. It is possible that people who are well educated understand the negative impacts of illegitimacy more than high school dropouts do. For example, an educated person who is perceptive understands that if abortion were illegal America would probably deteriorate. This is because it would be nearly impossible for society to sufficiently meet the financial and emotional needs of over one million infants. I make this claim because there are over one million legal abortions in America annually. There are already plenty of youths who are abused or who have been placed in foster care homes. The fact that we have failed to

give these children a high quality of life proves that it would be overwhelming and impossible to do that for even more children. Another idea is that pro-life people make choices that cause them to become disadvantaged. For example, by choosing to have a child while still young and single limits one’s opportunities of academic achievement because of the numerous demands of parenting. On the other hand, the person that is pro-choice and elects to have an abortion has more opportunities to attain a college education.
Many teenage mothers have failed academically, have been in trouble with the law, are not involved in extra curricular activities, attaining a college degree is not a goal, and 28% dropped out of high school before even becoming pregnant (Manlove, 2003). This is an important fact that makes readers become less opposed to these girls becoming mothers early because they probably would not have attained a higher education even if they never had kids. Carlson (2003) reported that 50% of poor women who give birth while unmarried have no high school diploma and about a third have not worked at all during the past year. Since they have so little to lose, it makes sense that they would not postpone parenthood. For example, my friends and I live in the suburbs and have always earned above average grades in school and planned on attending college and obtaining prestigious careers. Therefore, we have a much lower likelihood of having babies prematurely because there is a huge incentive for waiting.
There are many reasons why girls choose to have babies early. Some want to steal a boyfriend from another girl, some want to trap their boyfriend into staying with them, and some worry that they will not be able to have children later. Although there are a few women who have children in order to receive public aid, this is rare. Since abused

children from dysfunctional families are at a high risk for teenage pregnancy, it can be concluded that some of them wish to have a baby in order to escape their troubled home life. They feel unloved and lack necessary social support. They believe that a baby will fill a void and love them. Since their lives are usually filled with unhappiness and failure, they often turn to motherhood for a sense of pride. Motherhood is a role that is unconditional and can bring the greatest joys of life.
During adolescence, urban fathers of illegitimates pressure their girlfriends to get pregnant by telling them that they want them to be the mother of their baby. Of course this flatters the girl, especially because she is typically 3 years younger than him. Unfortunately, it is often the case that these men are using women for sex. Poor couples discuss having future children together more than other couples. Having a baby is a natural step in a relationship even when the couple is not married. Despite expressing desire to have a baby with their girlfriends, many fathers to be are in denial when a pregnancy occurs. They often accuse their girlfriend of being a “whore”, claiming that the child could belong to another man. Sometimes their mothers are supportive of their sons being in denial; other times they encourage them to take responsibility, which make sense. Since fathers of illegitimates are likely to be born out of wedlock, their fathers were probably unsupportive of their mothers during the pregnancy. This would make their mothers be sympathetic to the mother of their son’s baby. On the other hand, they have unconditional love and tend to side with their kids even when they are wrong.
Females are excited when they discover that they are pregnant and they yearn to follow through with the pregnancy. Surprisingly, 70% of unmarried men visit their

newborns in the hospital. The birth is known as the “magical moment” because the men feel euphoria and pride when they see their baby for the first time. It is at this magical moment that they promise to change their ways and have an active role as a parent. However, these promises are usually unfulfilled and are only in words. Of course many men do make exemplary fathers, but the lifestyle of young men in the cities who father illegitimates have a distinguishable lifestyle from men who are married that prevents them from being decent parents. Approximately half of poor men who have a child outside of marriage have already been to prison by the time the baby is born; half lack a high school diploma, and 25% of them have no job (Carlson, 2003).
In the inner cities, marriage and educational achievement are generally not regarded as prerequisites for childrearing. It is the belief that regardless of age, social class, and marital status, anyone can be a worthy mother. A situation in which an adolescent girl with an unreliable boyfriend and no high school education is pregnant is viewed as a challenge among the poor. If the girl follows through with her pregnancy and takes adequate care of the child, then she can earn the respect of her community. However, the affluent view the decision to have a baby under such extreme circumstances as abhorrent and unfair to an innocent baby. It is much more socially acceptable to have children out of wedlock in poorer communities because it is the norm.
Marriage occurs less among the poor and at older ages (Axinn and Thornton, 2000). This is especially true for African Americans. Marriage is sacred and most disadvantaged women as well as the wealthy want to get married eventually. The poor view marriage as a luxury and not a necessity. They would prefer to never have a

husband than to end up divorced. The single mothers interviewed believe that the best way to prevent divorce is to marry older and to be in a relationship for at least 5 years before marriage. After a couple knows each other for 5 years, they can be certain of what to expect after marriage. Men who are law abiding, caring fathers, and hard workers with stable careers are difficult to find in the inner cities. There is a low supply of men in impoverished neighborhoods because there are so many negative role models and gangs that pressure males to be macho. Young men are encouraged to break the law to prove that they can be macho. Criminal activities lead to incarceration and murder meaning that these men are not available for marriage. Inner city women have experienced a tremendous amount of negative experiences in relationships with men. For example, many fathers are absent during childhood and romantic relationships with men are often stormy, unstable, unhealthy, and abusive. Therefore, these women are afraid of getting married. Single mothers are afraid that a husband would try to control their lives. They want to avoid an abusive relationship and they want to be independent from men.
Almost all of the interviewees stated that having children improved their lives drastically. “I think Colin’s the best thing that could’ve happened to me because when I had my son I changed. I think Colin changed my life, he saved my life really. I almost died from popping pills, so I think if it wasn’t for Colin I probably wouldn’t be here because he is the only person out there that I stopped everything for”, says Jen Burke. After she became a mother, she was more responsible and held a stable job for three years, which is an accomplishment. Many of the women suffered from drug addictions, alcoholism, academic failure, and other problems. Their children gave them a reason to

change their behavior. If this meant that they stopped abusing drugs and lived more responsible lives, then having children early was not a mistake. Impecunious single mothers often have no close friends, few successes in life, dysfunctional families, no decent job, and very little to look forward to. Therefore, they put motherhood first. They live through their children.
I have always been concerned about the quality of life of unplanned children because their parents are unprepared for such huge responsibilities and they are often poverty stricken. It is relieving to learn that many of these mothers are filled with unconditional love and that they value motherhood more than anything else in the world. My mother worked as a registered nurse at St. Louis Children’s Hospital. It disturbed me deeply when she informed me that many young single mothers were abusive toward their children. For example, a mother intentionally burned a one year old because he was not toilet trained and she expected him to be. Listening to these horrible stories and knowing that violent crime is so high in the inner city, I believed that urban women with illegitimates do not care enough about their children to be adequate mothers. However, I happy to announce that my assumption was false; although there are extreme cases of single parents being abusive, this is uncommon. Also, I expected there to be greater differences among the various ethnic groups. Apparently, social class plays a larger role in lifestyles than does race. Another false idea that I believed prior to reading this book was that women who collect welfare have a hand full of children. In reality, the average family receiving public aid does not contain more than three youths. Information on the subject was collected in the most efficient way possible. The only flaw is that the men

did not have the opportunity to tell their side of the story or offer their opinions and feelings. As critical as the women were of the men, readers wonder what the men would claim about the women. However, it would be arduous to interview absent fathers whose whereabouts are either unknown or in prison. I always had compassion for fatherless children, but now I also have sympathy for their mothers. They usually have suffered through a rough childhood and their lives have been filled with poverty, failure, violence, uncertainty, and unstable relationships. Urban areas are often filled with broken glass, trash, empty buildings, used condoms, illegal drugs, gangs, crime, and lack of educational opportunities. Of course kids are exposed to these disgusting habits at an early age and there is little that parents can do to prevent this if they cannot afford to move away to a safer community. It is such a huge struggle to bring up youth in these environments and it would be unfair to solely blame parents for behavioral problems. I would expect that disadvantaged single mothers in suburban and rural areas hold similar values. The only significant difference would be the fact that they have a safer place to raise their children. This exceptionally well-written book leaves readers with a more optimistic attitude and open mind towards single parenthood.
Fortunately, there are several ways to prevent premature pregnancy as well as help children born out of wedlock thrive. Offering free extracurricular after school programs for at risk youths would provide them with supervised activities giving them less time to engage in sex or gang involvement. The government should fund more Planned Parenthood facilities and find ways to ensure that adolescents have access to these places to prevent early pregnancies. More job training skills and social workers

should be provided. Social workers are needed to educate parents and prevent child abuse. Deadbeat dads should legally be required to support their offspring to the best of their ability. If both parents were forced to take responsibility, they may think twice the next time they engage in unprotected sexual intercourse. Another way to help build strong families is to require welfare recipients to attend free counseling sessions and support groups to help them cope with their great financial difficulties and having the burden of raising kids with little or no help from the other parent.
Illegitimacy is a national tragedy that continues to escalate and lead to other serious, social problems such as crime and poverty. People who are brought up in nuclear families are at a much lower risk for dropping out of high school, academic failure, having illegitimates, getting divorced, incarceration, drug abuse, and mood disorders. These issues are part of a vicious cycle that can last forever. It is alarming that one in three babies is born out of wedlock in contemporary American society (McLanahan et al., 2000). There are ways to alleviate this problem, but it cannot be completely eliminated. Children are life’s most precious gifts and are a poor parent’s wealth. Parenting an unplanned child is one of life’s most difficult challenges, but through dedication, love, courage, hard work, and altruism, single mothers can be truly successful.